Reviews | MyPillow’s Mike Lindell should put the ‘big lie’ to bed – in luxury
But ultimately, the Department of Justice goes after mattresses with the pillow mogul. FBI agents pinned down his vehicle as he awaited his order at a Hardee drive-in this week and proceeded to “stop my phone,” as Lindell put it. (He didn’t say whether the confiscated device read his rights.)
The fast-food chain took to the MyPillow drama on its premises to tweet, “You really should try our chewy cookies.”
Federal authorities seized the phone as part of an investigation into the breach of voting machines by Trump allies in Colorado, which state authorities are also investigating. In case you’ve hit the snooze button for the past two years, Donald Trump superfan Lindell is also facing lawsuits from voting tech companies Dominion Voting Systems and Smartmatic. His phone records were subpoenaed by the House committee on January 6. And his own libel suits against Dominion and Smartmatic were dismissed as “frivolous.”
He’s also spent a self-reported $35 million promoting Trump’s election lie in films, social media and conferences, and he’s a popular warm-up act at Trump rallies.
There’s something exquisite about a former professional gambler, recovering crack addict, evangelical clairvoyant (Lindell often wears a cross on the outside of his collar, like an amulet) and pillow kingpin organizing the destruction of democracy. Then consider the assortment of strange bedfellows involved with him in the Colorado scheme: a former professional surfer who claims to be a data scientist, a county clerk who sold nutritional supplements, a hairdressing business owner and makeup and a high school math teacher who claims to have a secret algorithm.
Once again, we marvel at how all these misfits and con artists end up — and how they are inevitably drawn, by powerful eccentric magnetism, to the chief charlatan, who has bamboozled tens of millions. This full employment plan for eccentrics and hucksters gives feather bedding a whole new meaning.
Since kissing Trump in 2016, Lindell has made conspiracy madness his business model. His election lies have cost him tens of millions of dollars in business with respectable retailers such as Walmart, Kohl’s and Bed Bath & Beyond. So he turns into a niche pillow purveyor for the MAGA right, marketing on Fox News, Newsmax, talk radio and pro-Trump social media.
But Lindell is going to have to persuade deniers to buy a lot of bedding to make up for her lost sales to normal people.
Perhaps he can convince the “preppers” – those preparing for the apocalypse that will come when they are done breaking the rule of law – that in addition to guns and food in canned, they should stock pillows. Maybe they can be persuaded to turn their safes into pillow forts!
Trump again encourages violence as a political tool, saying that if indicted there would be “problems in this country like we may never have seen before” and saying, “I don’t think not that the people of the United States would support it.
So Lindell could be doing us all a favor by encouraging those who plan political violence to leave their guns at home and start a massive pillow fight instead. It is unclear how many feathers would be shed in this revolution.
What if the MyPillow Rebellion fails in its effort to overthrow law and order in the United States? Well, those who handle voting materials will need quality prison bedding. Lindell will need a full line of pillows for election deniers — for back liars, side liars and stomach liars.
Those who prefer extra firm support should opt for the MyPillow “Super Max”, designed to last a lifetime or your money back.
Those who prefer a softer feel should opt for the MyPillow “You’re Going ‘Down” alternative instead. Its cloud feel would be the prison pillow.
Members of the Cyber Ninjas, who tried to prove that fake ballots were made from Chinese pulp, would be offered the exclusive MyPillow bamboo model.
And those (like Lindell) who want to abolish voting machines altogether would enjoy the security of sleeping on MyPillow’s answer to shredded latex – the shredded voting pillow.
So, finally, election deniers could comfortably do what everyone has long wanted them to do: rest.