Map bae | Grosse Pointe News

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I had this amazing chemistry with a guy I met at a wedding. Then he casually let it go that he was in a new relationship for about six months. A mutual friend told me that the guy was not very happy with the woman and that he felt like he was “settling down”. The guy texted me in a way that seemed to be purely friendly. Still, if I were his girlfriend, I would be pretty upset.

– Confused about his intentions

Suppose your car skids in North Nowhere and you wake up stuck in the driver’s seat with zero bars on your phone.

You would likely trade in your home, car, and favorite grandma for emergency meals in the glove box – even the leftovers of a cereal bar that looks like it was purchased just before the Lewis & Clark expedition.

Well, humans seem to have evolved into romantic doomsday preparers: ready for any sudden famine in the partner department. At the moment, you seem to fall into the category of “rescue buddies” for this guy, but maybe just because he’s still awkwardly attached to someone else.

Evolutionary psychologists Joshua Duntley and David Buss find that both men and women cultivate backup companions – “about three”, on average – that we can use to quickly replace our current long-term companion in case they die, dump us. , or would cheat, or their companion value takes a plunge. Maintaining a romantic plan B cuts down on the time it takes to start from scratch.

As disturbing (and perhaps filthy) as this business of partnering up may seem, Duntley and Buss report that even people in happy relationships seem motivated – often subconsciously – to maintain backup mates.

(Not being fully aware of your own motives takes away the guilt that would likely accompany consciously collecting potential back-up throwers.)

This guy you met might be figuring out whether to give notice in his current relationship, or if it’s ongoing, figuring out how.

Consider the potential risks of texting him: mingling emotionally with someone who might be unavailable and suggesting that you take the romantic bits given to you. If you’d rather opt out of those risks, you could tell her that you hope to hear from her but that you’re a woman with standards: “Call me when you’ve lost weight – 125 pounds girlfriend overweight.” ”

I have a problem? Write to Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, # 280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or send an email to [email protected] @amyalkon on Twitter. Weekly podcast: blogtalkradio.com/amyalkon.

(c) 2021, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved.


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