How to kill all summer bugs and mosquitoes
Photo: Composite by the VICE team
Hmm. We are in favor of eliminating mosquitoes. There, we said it! [PETA loads crossbow.] We’re also pretty much pro-killing any bugs that pose an itch and bite threat this summer, and there are plenty of them. And, hot and spicy as it may be, we think many of you are probably sharing this take. (However, if you know of anyone who enjoys being devoured by summer bugs, please email us as soon as possible. We would love pageviews on this editorial.)
Now, there are plenty of methods – and just as much madness – that claim to coerce and convince the bugs to leave you and your tasty, flavorful flesh alone. According to our friends, painters at the aforementioned association, for example, “By taking B-complex vitamins where to eat beer yeast daily (including in tablet form) during the summer months will help you avoid mosquito bites. So you can try this. (We’re sure if you explain to mosquitoes that you’ve taken your vitamins, they won’t politely bite you.) Or, you could in fact Avoid a yeast summer full of bug bites by simply zapping as many dirty bastards as possible with big ass electric bug lights, spraying yourself and your garden with bug spray, and lighting enough citronella candles to make a Catholic church jealous.
We’ve put together a list of all the components you’ll need to properly outfit your Summer Bug Survival Kit. And it’s not just for die-hard outdoor enthusiasts, mosquitoes and other summer bugs aren’t on Strava, and no matter how many miles you drove last weekend. They’re equal opportunity assholes, and they’ll bite anyone they can put their dirty, sick proboscis on. So refresh your bug repellant arsenal with these hot-weather must-haves, and let the world (not the bugs) feast on your bare, bite-free skin this summer.
Generations of mosquitoes will perish because of you
You’ve had enough. We understood. Now is not the time for diplomatic attempts, it is time for action. Which, in your case, means electrocuting as many mosquitoes and other bugs as is humanly possible. Or, until they get the idea and tell their friends that you are very similar to Wu-Tang. These zappers and shockers attract insects and quickly make sure their bite days are over.
Create a bug force field
An invisible shield to prevent insect bites is the only wall mount for the playroom. (Well, that and the Wall of Fame at Hot Dog Palace.) While it’s a bit more low-tech than your regular sci-fi force field, a backyard ground spray coupled with a Refillable Scent- The free repellant diffuser is hard to beat.
Hit the trails, not your lower legs
For protection on the go, Murphy’s Naturals Mosquito Repellent Balm is the perfect solution. It is convenient to apply and easy to store in a travel pouch or hiking backpack. Plus, everything from Murphy’s Natural is free from harsh chemicals and made with all-natural oils that repel insects.
Some mood lighting
The atmosphere being “fucking mosquitoes”. Citronella candles aren’t as lame and smelly as they used to be. These ~ aesthetic ~ choices from Food52 and Anthropologie actually work, and they’re cool enough to earn a spot next to your NSYNC altar.
Put on literal bug armor
Some of you probably have it worse than others. If you live in a swampy area, or an area that is often flooded and leaves a lot of puddles (a mosquito haven), you have probably tried most of these products already. Well, if you really don’t want to tear yourself apart this summer, you can still use the old bug armor set. We are talking about insect repellent mesh, socks, shirts, sweatshirts and much more. (We have tried these socks on and can confirm that they work amazingly well.)
Then, once you’re on your bug repellent gear, spray everything (clothing, tents, sleeping bags, dog beds, horse saddles) with Ranger Ready repellent for an extra layer of protection.
Saging is out
Fortunately, there is all-natural, mosquito repellent incense. These sticks and cones from Murphy’s Naturals are perfect for enjoying cool summer nights on the porch, patio or fire escape without having to worry about unwanted visits from our six legs. enemies. They are also DEET free and full of natural oils.
Soak yourself in bug spray
You did your best to parley with the winged enemy, but to no avail. And when it comes to insect bites, there’s no shame in resorting to chemical warfare. It’s the war. Insect repellents come in a variety of formulas, from classic big names to all-natural herbal topicals (which actually work).
In case you forget any of the above
Some insect bites are inevitable. That’s why they make soothing balms to apply all over your eaten skin. They’re all natural, and they work. What more could you ask for from a biting balm? Does anyone regularly ask for stuff in a balm?
Just realizing we missed some “bug out bag” jokes. Well, maybe next time.
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